goingthroughthemotions

A lot going on lately.

Understatement of the year.

When your mind is pulled in too many different directions, something is bound to fall apart. 

Of course, the one big thing on my mind is lovelygirl. So, I tend to think of her alot.  Because we are still in the waiting game.  Waiting to see if she will become legally free.  Waiting to see if they get the ICPC done and submitted in a timely manner.  Waiting to see if she will become our daughter.

Her foster mom said she has been looking at our picture book alot.  Talking about moving down here.

So, I think about her.  I think about what she is doing. I think about how she is feeling. I wonder if she is really scared inside. I worry about her becoming victimized again.  She is too far away for me to protect her. I can only send my prayers. 

Going through the motions of day to day life.

I lay in bed for hours thinking of her, and can't get to sleep. That in turn affects my next day.  If I am working, I am sluggish and tired, but distracted.  I keep my cell phone in my pocket on vibrate, waiting to hear something...anything. I make the silliest mistakes...spelling, switching words around, etc.

Yesterday, I was supposed to go spend time with my mentee...and I completely forgot to go! I felt absolutely horrible.  I called as soon as I realized my mistake, and her caregivers seemed upset at me. I keep trying to stay busy so that I don't worry too much, and it backfired! I got tooo busy, and forgot my poor little mentee.

I am awake, going through the motions of living, getting up, taking a shower, going to work, etc....all the while completely distracted by a little girl in WA.

Going through the motions.