slippery slopes

weird how one thing can take you from that path of confidence and send you careening down the slippery slopes of worry-itis.

yup, that's my life. especially now.  the adoption rollercoaster ride.

since we heard that we are the family selected for lovelygirl, we have not even looked at other children. I even got several emails that caseworkers were interested in us...but I didn't stray from my vision of lovelygirl as our daughter.

so, why today did I get the desire to make sure that our lovelygirl's profile was removed from the site?

no one will ever know why.

i just did it. I looked.

she wasn't removed.

still there, cute as a button, inviting everyone in the world to submit on her.

i was like, whaaa????

then all the doubts and fears come flooding in. try and rationalize it. maybe they just haven't gotten around to removing her. maybe they just didn't know a family was selected.

still, the slopes are slippery and i am not the most sure footed person in the world.

my thoughts crash into those dark valleys...

maybe the caseworkers are still accepting more home studies. maybe they don't really like us that much and are holding out for someone better. maybe we have been thinking that this is going to go through for us and it really isn't. maybe we will lose lovelygirl at the very last minute.

we don't hear much news. so, my mind thinks it is logical to think those thoughts. rational?

after all this time, and all the near misses, will this be yet another miss?

no. no. no. don't think this way. u can't. don't look down into the depths. the caverns. look up.

no slippery slopes.