thankfulness

Yesterday, it happened.

The email we had been waiting for. 

It brought a mixed bag of emotions with it.

The email was from lovelygirl's caseworker. She wanted to let us know that she had just been with lovelygirl's birthmom.  "R" had come in and signed the relinquishment papers. We won't have to wait for the TPR hearing on Dec 7th.

Of course I read it and cried...with joy and happiness for our dream finally coming true.  Then it turned to tears of sorrow for "R" the birthmom, and of course for lovelygirl.

I am struck once again by the horrible irony of the situation.

In order for our dreams to come true, someone else's dream has to be shattered.

"R" had her first child at 16 yrs old, lovelygirl's half sibling. Then at 18 yrs old, she had lovelygirl. Altogether, she has had 4 children, none of which are with her at this time. Drugs seem to be at the forefront of it all. Sad that her addictions have cost her the most important thing she could ever lose...her children.

Still, my heart goes out to her. Though I wanted to post a blog yesterday, to share my news, it didn't feel right to be so happy, while she is so sad.  So, I just prayed for her yesterday. And I will continue to.
She didn't ask for anything except twice yearly pictures and letters.

In my heart, I know that in lovelygirl's case, this is for the best, but it still will be difficult for both of them. Even though lovelygirl didn't see her mother much during her life, she is still the woman who gave birth to her. Difficult moments will come because of this. It will take years before lovelygirl will understand the true nature of what her mother did for her.

I have no doubt she ultimately gave her up out of love. She just had no means to raise any of her children, and knew it. She lacks important parenting skills, mostly of being able to put her kids needs above her own.

Still...I could feel her heart wrenching all the way down here.

Thank you, "R" for doing the right thing. For giving lovelygirl a chance at a safe and secure life, in which she will be loved and cherished.  We will not hide you under a rug, and never talk about you. I will make sure that lovelygirl remembers you.  Thank you for your ultimate sacrifice.  I pray that God will give you peace. I will do my utmost to raise her to be a kind, and loving person...someone you can be proud of.

It seems fitting that right before Thanksgiving, my heart is full of an overwhelming thankfulness for this gift of a daughter, for lovelygirl. Thank you, God.  Thank you, "R"

thankfulness