lovelygirl and me

lovelygirl and me

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Still in it to win it

I haven't written in awhile. Not that I have given up on the whole process. Definitely still in there, fighting the good fight. Hanging on with dogged determination.

Still in it to win it.

Have you ever run the two mile in track? Not for leisure, but for a recorded time. I have. It isn't easy. Eight times around the track, around and around. My coach said that every time I passed by him, I gave him an evil glare when he yelled encouragement.

But, I hung in there. I never got any fancy medals, though I did come in 6th at State. Not too shabby, really.

By the third lap, you are wondering why the heck you joined track in the first place. One foot in front of the other, pounding the black top. Now they have fancier material to run on, made out of recycled old tires. Softer, bouncier. Back then, we ran on black top.

Fourth lap comes and you want to just quit, to stop and say, "I give up already!" But you don't. You keep running. Bone jarring strides. Thump. Thump. Thump. Bang. Bang. Bang. You just look ahead, see the upcoming curve that marks the end of the track, and think...okay, just once more around.

Five and six are about the same. Just keep running. Just keep running. Time seems to slow down. You might find someone to get behind, someone to break the wind for you. If you're lucky.

On the Seventh lap, you can't give up. You would look like a fool. An idiot. No, you have to make it across the finish line now. No turning back.

Something happens when you round that last corner and your legs pound you down the home stretch. The last yards. You muster up some hidden strength and try to sprint. I say try, because you honestly don't feel you have anything left in you to give. But you do it, somehow.

And you cross it.

The finish line.

Maybe not as fast as everyone expected, least of all the coach. Maybe not as fast as you had hoped...but you did it. There is a sense of triumph.

Of course, you feel like you want to puke, but still, the fact that you accomplished this great thing over-rides all other feelings.

I am in it to win it. I seek the finish line and the results thereafter.

A little girl, or two, or maybe a little girl and little boy. Who knows? I am ready to be a mother again to little ones.

We go to committee on two little darling sisters. No date yet. But, I can feel that I am at least on the seventh lap, rounding the corner towards the finish line. With these two at the line, I can sprint.

I am in it to win them.