murkydepths

It's hard to see the light sometimes.

Those times when you feel like you are being pushed down by the waves, smashing you into the murky depths. Those bottomless pits we find ourselves in from time to time.

You strain to see the sun through all the debris; clawing and kicking, fighting to surface once again.

There are those days when you feel that your feet are chained to a gigantic cement block, forcing you to stay under.

Ah. I am feeling that now.

I keep saying to myself: "Come on Cinnilou, no one ever said this road would be an easy one." It isn't a yellow brick road with beautiful fields with munchkinland lollipop kids standing ready to join your hand and family.

Adoption is a treacherous road.  Potholes lurk big enough to drive a semi truck into.  Something is always around the bend, like a wicked witch or the flying monkeys, ready to dive down and steal you of your confidence.  It's a winding road, with very steep hills to climb. They take your breath away.

Rather than having a friend or two, such as the tin man, or scarecrow, to keep you company and help you get out of any pickles you may get yourself into, you go it alone most of the time.

The searches are for you to do alone...find the kiddos to submit on. (how can you even tell which ones are best suited for you) So, you request to have it submitted.  Then wait, and wait...AND wait.  Sometimes never hearing anything.  Hoping your HS made it into the right hands. You aren't able to connect with their caseworker, you rely on others to advocate for you, and hope that they do. 

Oh the frustrations! Oh the downward spirals.

Hence the blog.

Designed to let others (YOU) know they aren't alone in their search for a child, or children. Lookie, lookie...I am right here with you!

I am just like the rest of you.  I have my own days of struggling.  I have my own insecurites and worries.

Rather than get something from the old Wizard of Oz, I would prefer to leave all those troubling thoughts with him and run. Are there some magic shoes I can put on? Click my heels and say, "There is a child for us" three times? Will that do the trick?

Instead, today, I am in the murky depths. Depression has a grip on my feet, holding me down under.  How to get free and rise to the top?

Who knows...maybe I will try it.

"There is a child for us." "There is a child for us." "THERE IS A CHILD FOR US!!!"

and rise from the murky depths.