ARGHHHHHH!

There are days when I feel like just giving up.

Today is one of those days.

I am thinking positively negative thoughts:  Am I just plain pushing too hard? Am I really supposed to adopt at all, when it seems like we hit every weird wall there could ever be? Am I forcing this to happen when it shouldn't?

Don't get me wrong. I know at the end of the day, I won't give up. I just FEEL like it today.

My husband and I have been in this adoptive process for almost 2 years. (April it will be 2 yrs) I, myself, have had it in my heart for over 12 yrs. Twelve years is a long time. You would think if it was meant to be, it would have happened already. You would think that I wouldn't have to push so hard to make it happen now.

The ICPC people have finally got a person coming out today to get us foster certified. Something we have to do, but couldn't do until an actual order from WA had been made. After all this time, they are finally coming.
So, why then do I feel like this?

We found out late last night that a document, that we thought had been in place for two whole years, just isn't there. It's lost. MIA. gone. poof. vanished.

A medical report on my husband. Here is the thing: It took ALOT to get my husband to do the doctor visit in the first place. He hates doctors. He is a procrastinator too.

We looked everywhere, but it does appear that we sent the hard copies to our agency without making a copy. (LEARN FROM THIS PEOPLE! Make copies of EVERYTHING!)

I just have no idea how long it will take to get this little overlooked missing document replaced.

Why do these things keep happening to us? We have our girl. She is up in WA...probably sitting in a classroom at this very moment, or out at recess...or .....?

I just feel like laying on the couch and crying my eyes out. My heart feels anxious. My stomach feels sick.

Here is the thing...my husband works nights. So he sleeps days. This morning he got to bed late because we were looking here...everywhere...for a copy. Couldn't find it. He found an envelope that had the medical results but not the AFFEC form we had the Doc fill out. BUT he took it back in the bedroom, and he was pretty grouchy about getting to bed late, and having to get up early for the ICPC DHS worker appointment.
So, it is best for me to just wait. (I am SO sick of WAITING) I can't even remember the place where he went to get his physical, it's on that envelope....and in the bedroom....and I am out here...ARGHHHH!

Seriously. I am having some sort of anxiety attack or something. I just don't even feel like cleaning the house for this worker.

I don't know if anyone out there has ever felt the way I am feeling. Or if it's just me, crazy old me...