apart or a part?

As I hastily scanned the previous post, I am once again off on another tangent, a rabbit's trail.  It seems that you can be chasing one rabbit down the trail, and somehow, mysteriously, when you think you are almost to catch up to it, you realize it wasn't even the rabbit you started out chasing, nor is it the same trail you were on.

I enjoyed a chat with lovelygirl last night, and although she seemed happy, (this is good) she also seemed very hyper.  The new adoption worker had explained to me that this house has a very chaotic environment.  She couldn't focus on me for long, and it was evident she wanted to run off and play with the other 4 girls near her age, who were playing nearby and distracting her.

Happy that she is happy, seriously, I am. But, I am also sensing that the space between visits has not been good for the bond we had started to create. (over a month now between visits)

Space.  Space between people.  Space between her current FH and our home. Too far to navigate daily.

Space.  Space between a vowel and a consonent.  Changes the meaning entirely.

A part = belonging as one unit in a whole.  Becoming a part of a family.  One part of the whole we are.  1/8th of our family as a whole. Belonging.

Apart = two units separated by distance or time. Not together. Away from each other.  She is there, we are here.

One tiny click on the keyboard.  A space.

I long for her to be here, to be one of our family...to be one of us. ICPC has been sent to the OR office, where it now sits, delayed once again.

Delays that take the space away and make it one word...apart. Delays that cost her belonging to a family...to be a part.

Ironically, adding a space in the word actually takes away the space that separates us.

Though I would like to be the one to shove that keystroke into the equation and make it over, make her ours, make her a part of us, I can't. 

I have to wait. She has to wait. We have to wait.

To be

A part.