A lifetime to heal.

We can't heal wounds, in one weekend, that took eight years to accumulate. We can't fix hurts, and issues in one weekend.  We just can't do it, try as we might. It will take a lifetime.

We have had our lovelygirl for two separate weekend visits, one week apart. Each time, we are seeing more, new issues/behaviors that have stemmed from the current foster situation.

With 3 other eight year old girls and one six year old girl in the house, there is the obvious more chaotic environment there that she doesn't have here; and then some less obvious things...like her exposed to new behaviors and attitudes.  Behaviors that she has watched the other girls do, then watched to see the outcome and the reactios.  Then she comes here and tries them out on us. Yay.

Though we are very happy to have her out of the abusive situation she was in, it is still hard to have the girl you were matched to, the one you are beginning to forge a new relationship with, the girl who you have decided will be yours forever, IS yours--watch her go back to a home where things are not run how you would run them. And you are helpless. 

You can't really say anything, you can't really do anything...you just keep hoping that things will hurry up and you will finally get her for good.

It isn't that this home is bad. It isn't. We are grateful that they found her a safe place to be.

More delays have added to the time that she will live in this other home, away from us. More of that "apart" time. We can only be satisfied with visits.  Much like custodial visits that divorced parents deal with. Only we have such a short history with her ourselves that we can't be the parents we long to be. We have to wait.

We can only try and be consistant with our rules here, and consistant with our love and compassion, and hope that at some point, roots will form that will form the basis of our parenting style.

Once again, frustration creeps in and pulls me down.

How can we be real parents in one weekend? We can't. Does she remember us during that time apart? Does she become wrapped up in the other world and forget we even exist? Does she think of us, like we think of her?

We can't fix this in one weekend. It will take a lifetime. WE are committed to that. THEY aren't.

A lifetime to heal.