Frustration = ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Frustration seems to be the name of the game. 

Seriously, it seems that on this journey of adoption, I seem to feel frustrated more than I feel anything else.

I have lost countless hours of sleep worrying...and yes, I know worrying doesn't solve anything.  And yet, here I am again...wallowing in this frustration. Rolling over and over in it. Completely covered in muck.

At times, it feels like quicksand, although there really isn't anything quick about it. Today, I feel like just my hand is above the surface, frantically grabbing for a lifeline, whilst the rest of me has been devoured by the consuming bog.

We haven't had a visit with lovelygirl in a month. We aren't even one step closer to getting her for good. We are seemingly stuck in all that beaucratic nonsense we call 'protocol'. 

What has happened that has ground our journey to a halt? We don't even know.  Let's review the things I do know...

Lovelygirl was declared legally free on December 7th, 2011.  The ICPC was supposed to get sent on the 15th of December. Didn't happen. Sat on a desk all through the holidays.  Finally, on January 5th, 2012 it got sent to the correct department. Then it sat...and sat...for two more weeks.  No one bothered to let the sender that there were a few things left undone; things that had to be completed before it could be sent to Oregon.  Nope. Just sat there on a desk. Waiting. Finally, someone wondered enough to ask why.  They found out that they needed to add her to the Washington Adoption Resource Exchange list in order for them to even consider sending a Purchase of Service to our agency. So, they quickly did that, and the POS got signed (within an hour of receiving it on our end) and sent back to the WA ICPC. And then nothing. Nada. Zero. Zip. As far as we know, it is sitting on that same person's desk again. It's supposed to get sent to Oregon.

In the middle of this lovelygirl had to be moved to a new foster home due to alleged abuse in the home. (She disclosed this to a mandatory reporter) And there she is, in this new foster home, not one step closer to finishing this process. Stuck.

A new adoption worker had to be assigned to her, so we didn't get a visit this weekend. We have to wait until next weekend.

I wonder at the red tape that causes a child, who can't really think and act like an adult, to be confused and scared; their fragile lives hanging in midair, waiting for someone else, a stranger, to make their lives decisions for them.

She keeps asking, "When do I get to come live with you for real?"

I am sick and tired of having to answer, "I don't know, honey...I just don't know."

Frustration.

Hand tied behind my back, nothing I can do but wait on others to decide things for her. Not liking that feeling...of being helpless to help her, stuck here...

While I do realize that there are just things that happen, and that there may be some good reason for this delay, and that I just need more patience, and that it isn't really nice to blame anyone....but still. I have a right to feel something.

And that feeling is frustration.

ARGH!!!!