Two Green Totes

Two green totes.

Her entire world, past and present, consisted of two green totes.

Their contents tell a story.  A story of loss, of betrayal, and of neglect.  In those two totes, all her worldly possessions are passed along with her.  From place to place, house to house. Some contents have been removed...likely clothes that she outgrew, and toys that were broken...or taken, and kept by foster parents who felt they deserved to have them.

On Saturday, my hubby drove up to Washington to pick up lovelygirl for the last time.  They met him out at Burger King. The transfer place.  The end of one world and the beginning of another. Only her foster dad came. It was a fast transfer. He took out the two green totes and my hubby put them in our rig. She had a backpack as well, with her school stuff in it.

And that was it.

It took all of 15 minutes.  One minute she was a foster child, living in a temporary foster home, and the next minute she was ours. She briefly hugged him, the temporary man who was her temporary foster father.  She didn't look back.  Buckled securely in her pink booster car seat, she headed for home. Beside her: two green totes.

She is home now. Her two green totes sit in her bedroom.  It's up to her to decide how long she wants them to remain there.  To her, their presence is more than just plastic bins to hold her stuff.  To her, they represent her life. All eight years of it. So, she needs to feel comfortable enough to take her belongings out and put them away in her room.

Yesterday, she made a comment, "It feels like I am still just visiting."

A great many meanings in that small statement. She doesn't feel like it's real yet. She doesn't know if its forever yet. She doesn't know if this place is safe enough to mix her little world with ours. To merge her belongings with her new ones.

I see that some things have made their way out of the boxes. A few dolls, and the cards that her classmates gave her on her going away party. One day, she will decide that this is her world, and she can throw away the totes for good. For her sake, I hope it is soon. But, as long as she needs them; the two green totes will stay put.

We are so happy to have our little girl here finally! To have the house echo with giggles and laughter, and squeals as she plays with her kitty, Rosie, and her toys. We took the doggies to the park yesterday and walked them, and she played on the slides and merry go rounds.

And she yelled, "Look Mommy, look!" as she went round and round. My heart is full. Full enough to get us past the rough times ahead. Past the tantrums, and testing she might have. And full enough to have the patience to wait for a little girl to be ready to unpack...

Her two green totes.