Getting and Letting Go

So many changes in her young life.

In just one year she was in at least three separate foster homes, three different schools, and went from being a "foster child" to a "adoption placement child."

How will she cope?

Today she is in her new classroom, with a new teacher, and new classmates.  Her first day at her new school.  One friendly face awaited her.  "S", her new BFF.  They both share similar backgrounds. They both are A/A. They both were foster kids.

Those shared experiences should help forge the way to a long and deep friendship. I am thankful for "S,"

Lovelygirl is behind in schoolwork.  With all the moves she has had to make, it's no wonder.

I set her clock radio/alarm clock for 6:45 am.  Hanging on her door is her new schedule.  A checklist of things to do in the morning to get ready for school.  Get dressed, eat breakfast, let me help her with her hair...etc. 

I waited to see what would happen, half expecting to have to go in and get her out of bed. Half expecting trouble.

Nope! The light under her closed door let me know that she was up. I heard rustling sounds, and decided to let her get ready.  She came out of her room all dressed. So pretty in her new outfit that Grandma "V" got her. She never argued once about anything this morning, much to my relief! When we headed out the door, I praised her for doing so well this morning.

Carrying in her stuff, I thought back to my boys and all the "first day of schools" we had throughout the years. A melancholy feeling washed over me. Lovelygirl will be our last child to go through school.  Our "first school day" adventures with her are the last ones we will go through.

As she unpacked her stuff into her school desk, several kids were around her, including "S."  The "new girl" in class. She was smiling. I pray that she will do well in school.  That she will make friends and learn to play nice, and not get into trouble. I pray she doesn't alienate "S," they need each other for years to come.

We have had her for ten whole days now, our daughter. Ten days.

We got her. And now we have to start letting go.

It's the way life is.

The difference between this and my biological children is that I knew them well. I had some sense of how they would do in school and in life. I had all their history with them, from the day they were born.  I knew they would do well.

With lovelygirl, I don't have that past with her. We face uncertain days, because I don't really "know" her yet. I don't know how she will do each day. She comes from a hazy past, we only know some things about her. I can't just trust that we taught her well, and she will rely on those teachings to go about living life. We just don't know.

And yet, I can't control every move she makes. I have to allow her to breathe.  I have to let go, if it is just for the day. Or she won't learn. She won't grow.

So here's to first days.

Letting go.