the many facets of luv

We are finding that a child from hard places, ie the foster system, can have many faces. 
Our luv is no exception.

She has learned to wear many faces throughout her young life.

Sometimes, she is a tough cookie.  She had to be to survive those early years of trauma and neglect. When we took her to school on her first day, she appeared to be nonplussed; no fear.  I asked her if she was nervous and she just shrugged.

In the animal world, to show weakness at all is a life or death challenge.  If you are walking around limping, you could become easy prey.

It is much the same for our luv.

Somewhere, hidden behind the mask, there is a scared little girl.  She feels she needs to show the world her tough side, instead of her vulnerable side. Or the mean people in the world could victimize her.

Sometimes, she has that faraway look on her face, her thoughts are dwelling on her past.  A mild form of disassociation.  If you talk to her, you can snap her out of it, but in the meantime, she is thinking of things and people who are no longer in her life.

Spacing out. To the world, she is just spacing out.  But in her most secret thoughts, she does replays in her mind's eye.

Yesterday, she suddenly told me that when she was younger, and wet her pants, her real mom would spank her..sometimes with a  belt and other times with a wire hanger. She hasn't really been with her real mom since she was about 4 or so.

But it is vividly clear in her mind. The memories that can haunt our damaged children.

Another face is the face of fear.

We see clear evidence that she has been abused.  If she is acting up, we have learned we cannot make sudden moves, or even raise our hand to rub our forehead without her cringing, and shrinking away.  Even if we are 5 feet away!

This breaks my heart of course! We are learning to move slowly when she is in those modes where she is testing us. Slow movements. No raising our hands even to scratch our own noses. No walking near her if she is laying on the floor, she thinks we will kick her. How awful is that!

We take so many things for granted, and now are trying very hard to look through the eyes of an 8 year old girl who suffered neglect, abuse and trauma.

She watches us like hawks. Hyper-vigilent at times.  It can be un-nerving at times. Being judged constantly by a small child, let me tell you!

Her first thoughts always run on the negative side.  She is just sure that when you are reaching to get your drink, that just happens to be next to the remote, that you are going to grab it and change the channel on her. 

She has her softer sides. She can be such a sweet heart.

Last night we made biscuits. I let her do most of it, just supervised. She looked so cute in the old apron my grandma used to wear, standing on the stool so she could stir...ever so carefully...the dough.

She saved enough dough at the end to make 3 heart shaped biscuits, and when we set the table, she placed on on each of our plates. "These are for Mommy and Daddy and Me!" My big helper. :o)

Like a diamond in the rough, it is up to us to see the potential within, and help her see it as well.  Teaching her to whittle away at the imperfections, so she can shine from within.

She is a diamond. 

With many facets.

Some, we have seen, and others we have yet to see.  They all make up the unique person she is.  The lovelgirl we are learning to love.

the many facets of love. the many facets of luv.