friend or foe?

While I am the first to say that it is commendable for people to take on fostering kids, I also know from experience that it isn't always beneficial to the child.

If you are on the road to adoption, you will likely experience foster parents in your final phases of the journey. I am sure that in most cases, they are great people, who truly care about the children placed in their care.

In other cases, it isn't the best case scenario. We have had our lovelygirl in two separate foster homes while we were in her life. The first one was not a safe place for her to be, and due to even a prior foster child disclosing abuse (besides the kids living in the home at the time), our lovelygirl was removed from that home and placed in another foster home.  The one she is in currently, is a temporary home, and lucky for our lovelygirl...is the second time she has been there.

Why am I saying all of this anyway?

Think for a moment of children whose parents are divorced.  That child goes back and forth.  And, because the parents generally have had a bad ending to their relationships, they tend to place the children in the middle, sometimes using them as pawns to get back at their ex.

The current caregiver won't talk to me on the phone, She just uses lovelygirl to say things to me. Things she shouldn't use a child to do.

We have done nothing to this person. Nothing. I have only talked to her one time, and went away feeling great, thinking she was a nice person. Now, I am realizing that the other foster mother must have said things to this one, there is no other reason I can think of. It wasn't my fault that they did things that were considered abuse by the DSHS system. I didn't do anything wrong. They did. Period.

I am so ready for this to be over. Our lovelygirl goes from one extreme to another. There, she is allowed to watch adult comedy, which we all know has sexual overtures that an eight year old should not be seeing. We tell her here that she can't watch them.

When lovelygirl comes back and tells us that the current foster mother said that " 'C' may be the boss of you when you are down there, but here she isn't your boss!" I am shocked.

Why would a foster mother undermine what is truly the best thing to happen to a foster child? That she would find a loving, caring and nurturing home.  That her new parents want the best for her, and don't just think of her as a meal ticket or a number.

It sounds so juvenile. So junior highish. Doesn't it?

Other things, like attitudes, are cropping up; all with the saying that " 'R' says I can do that!" And more, things I won't go into.

Triangulation? Possibly some.

Yet, I also know there is something there. That saddens me. We should be only thinking of what is truly best for this child.

In a perfect world we would have been friends.  Like minded. One purpose. To ready a child who has had so many let downs she can't count them, for her new life. Her needs would come first. Instead, it appears to be the opposite up there.

Is there some rule among foster parents, to "stick together", to have each others backs no matter what the cost? To keep each other out of trouble, and not tell? No such thing as mandatory reporting? I mean, come one! These are children! They were put in your home to get them away from abuse, not to be put right back into it!

I am sad that in our case, it had to be this way.
Please know, that I do still believe that there are wonderful foster parents out there! I know first hand that there are...one of those being my husband's mother's foster family. They are still her family and ours too. Sweet wonderful people. So, I know there are more out there.

I pray that none of you have to experience the "foe" side of foster parents. I pray you all can have the "friend" side. To work together to help a child. Isn't that the reason they are doing it? It should be!

friend? or foe?