lovelygirl and me

lovelygirl and me

Thursday, May 31, 2012

patience

"It is in the everyday and commonplace that we learn patience, acceptance, and contentment." 
                                                                                                 Richard J Foster

Yeah. At home, in the store, at church...all places to learn these things.  Today is my birthday.  Generally, I take the time to reflect on my life, think about changes I can make within myself and find positive things to enrich my life.

Today, I am just thankful to have a little bit of alone time. 

Last night we got a call from luv's teacher.  She has been acting out at school.  In general, being defiant, disobeying, sassing back, being disrespectful and instigating fights.  She is calling kids names, picking on them, and being ornery. 

Sigh.

So, I tried to talk to her about it and she pitched a fit.  We have rules in our house and screaming as loud as she can is one of those that we don't allow. 

"Stop screaming now, or your choices will have consequenses."

She was already in bed, so couldn't use that one.

SCREAM!

"Okay, well tomorrow there will be no television or computer time."

SCREAM!!

"Well, now you are going to have to go to bed a half hour earlier since you won't stop..."

SCREAM!!!

"Okay then, now an hour earlier."

SCREAM!!!! NO!!!!!!! I don't WANT to go to bed early!!  SCREAM!

"Wow, sorry you are choosing to keep this up...now it is one and a half hours earlier."

scream....(backing off the intensity now!)

"Your choice, hon.  Now 2 hours earlier."

but I don't want to...

"You decided to keep screaming when I told you to stop.  You made the bad choice, and choices have consquenses don't they?"

So, this was what happened at our house last night. 

Lovelygirl has been wetting again.  Every day at school.  She tried to hide it on Monday, and lied.  I didn't confront her.  Tuesday she came home and tried to pass it off that she had stayed dry again. 

She goes in on Tuesday to therapy. 

Ahhhh, patience.

It is such a small word really, but wow it can be so hard to obtain!!!!!!!!!
I am sure my blood pressure was at a boiling point last night.  My head pounded.

So first comes patience, eh Richard J Foster? THEN comes acceptance...and FINALLY contentment.

Okay.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in.  Breathe out.

Oh and Happy Birthday me.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

not on the storm

"Set your thoughts, not on the storm, but on the Love that rules the storm." Mrs Charles E. Cowman

I don't claim to know who this woman is, but her words ring true to me on every level!  Set your thoughts not on the storm.  We have storms that brew in our lives.  Last week, it was in the form of a nine year old girl we are adopting.  Real storms can feed on weather, or climate changes, even on the landscape.  They can circle and grow before exploding their force on the planet.

Much is the same for our lovelygirl.  She has inner storms.  Memories.  Painful memories.  Of neglect.  Of abuse.  Of rejection. Of sorrow. 

They brew, those storms. They swirl inside her, forming a funnel cloud that threatens to erupt.  In her case, last week, her inner storms fed on our stressful situations.  I had several major projects due.  "S" had an really bad chest cold that turned into Bronchitis.

Not sure yet on the triggers that caused the inner storms to erupt and explode outside her body.  Still trying to figure her out, this needy girl of ours. 

It's important to claim those first three words..."SET YOUR THOUGHTS."  This requires action on my part.  A determined resolve.  Being a doer of the words and not just a sayer. Practice what I preach.  Set my mind to this, purpose to complete it. 

Set my thoughts on the Love that RULES the storm.

Let love always abide in me.  God's perfect love.  A love that casts out all fear.  A love that puts other's needs ahead of my own.  Perfect love.  Let God's Perfect Love abide in me and guide me every step of our journey in this adoption of lovelygirl, and our lives together.

Set my heart on that...and not the storm itself.

not on the storm.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Monster In The House

There's a monster in the house.  Alive and well, it thrives on stressful situations, and devours the tired and sleep depraved...

She's a willful little monster.  Watching for the tinest foothold, she pounces and is on you before you even knew she was watching.

Oh yes folks, the honeymoon period is officially O.V.E.R. 

The last 4 days have been a nightmare.

Every single thing she can find to argue about, she does.  Mind you, I really do TRY and not get sucked into that bait she dangles at every turn.  But, I am human, and I have been under some stress lately...and darn it, she KNOWS that and comes on even faster and harder than before.

Everything is a "No!" and stomping around, hurumping, crossing her arms and giving me dirty looks. (Yay, I just love all this! NOT)

I gave my word over six months ago that I would help my sister with her daughter's baby shower. It's my nieces first child, a boy, and they are so excited about it! I won't be getting any grandchildren any time soon, so I have to live vicariously through others...so, I agreed.  At the time, we were still in the waiting phase of placement. 

IT, the placement, seemed like a really long ways away, and wasn't even quite believable at the time.

Oh foolish one. 

Had I known what hell trying to make this shower a wonderful memory for my niece would bring on the homefront, I would have run screaming, "Nooooooooooooooooo!!!" when she asked!

When they say you have to dedicate the first 120 days to your child, maybe times that by each child you bring into the home, they MEAN it!

These children DEMAND that you pay attention to them and only them.  It is "sit and watch" her do all things, even if she is watching TV, she wants me sitting in the chair watching her.  I thought, oh, well maaaaybe I can try and make some felt baby shoes in the chair. 

Oh foolish one.

She got jealous of that. 

Trying to make fondant critters for the "Ahoy, it's a boy!" sailboat/ship theme boat, such as crabs, life rings, starfish, and even Nemo. meant that I had a little monster right there beside me.  She tried spitting on something I was making.  She tried flicking spaghetti sauce on the cake after I finally got the fondant smooth (and looking beautiful I might add).  She tried bouncing a ball into it.

All to "get my attention."  Well, it worked.  She got my attention.  I had to get after her, make her sit in a chair nearby, and she threw a tantrum. So, off to bed then, little monster.  She kept yelling, "you are MEAN!" from the bedroom.  Am I?

The shower is tomorrow.  I can't very well call now and say, there will be no cake.  Life doesn't just stop because a little monster is jealous.  I have given her extra times where she sits near me or on my lap, thinking that would help...

Oh foolish one.

Sigh.  I have no idea how tomorrow will go.  I have a monster afoot. Loose. On the prowl.  ARRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh foolish one.

monster.in.the.house.