stillontheadoptionrollercoaster

It didn't work out.
"A" and us. Not even close.
Here I was, trying to hammer in a puzzle piece that didn't even belong into that spot, shoving the corners down, forcing it to fit.
It just plain didn't.
I ache in my heart for that little girl.
Now we are on her list of people who let her down. It saddens me more than any of you reading this will ever know.
I need to know what to do different next time.
Less expectations? Better reading between the lines prior?
If we would have known all of it before hand, we wouldn't have let her come over. Let her get her hopes up...as well as ours.
It didn't work.
I felt like a failure at first.
I wasn't completely honest with myself, nor was my husband, "S" on what we could actually deal with.
"A" needs a mom just like her foster mom. I'm just not tough enough or hard enough.
It is what the adoption journey is about, is it not?
Ups and downs. Did I really think I would find the perfect girl on the first try?
I guess I did.
I learned a great deal about myself.
I'm not giving up.
There is a girl out there for us.
She is waiting...still.
We are waiting...still.
Ups and downs. Twists and turns.
Don't give up.