HOME RUN!!!!

It has finally happened!

We get our daughter this Saturday. For good.
No more traveling back and forth. No more taking her back to her 'other home'. 

She will be ours.

More on this exciting event later.

suh-waaaang battuh battuh

It's so awesome having someone who you know is in the game for you.

Someone who has a great batting average. Someone who knows the ropes. A great pitcher, and a great catcher. A veteran. The heavy hitter. The Babe Ruth.

The new adoption worker is the newest player in this game.  The game we call the Adoption Journey.

Hooraaaaay!

We got the Oregon ICPC out in the field on defense.  Outfielders smack calloused hands into dirt-filled mitts, clouds of dust slowly rise around readied shoulders. The pitcher, an experienced veteran, nods to the catcher, lowers his hat and digs his cleats into the mound.

A woman walks up to the plate, hitting her shoes with the wooden bat to knock the clods of mud off.  She digs her toe into the depressed area, sets her left foot just behind, and raises the bat.

The look in her eyes is pure determination.

"I know how to nag."  She tells me, with a confidence that makes me want to cheer.

That is just what I need right now.

Someone who you won't soon forget. Someone who can get right into their faces. Someone who can get the job done. Someone who doesn't give up.

The pitcher winds up, sneering, as he lets loose a wild and wicked curve ball.

Her eyes and her focus narrow in on the precious item in his hand.

When he lets it loose, she is ready.

Time slows down into miniscule fractions and the ball floats towards her. The crowds hold their breath.

She inhales deeply...

...and swings.

Suh-waang!  Cuh-Rack!

Suh-waang battuh battuh!

Home run??

Too soon to tell.

But I like the odds. I feel the pendolum swinging into our favor. I feel the difference.

In this, the last inning of our final game,...we need a hit.

Suh-waaang battuh battuh!

The Domino Effect

Have you ever set up one of those long, winding domino deals where they stand on end and are close enough together to hit the next one in line? And you go to the beginning and gently knock the first one over...it crashes into the next one, and that one into the next one...and so on?

Yeah. That's the story of our adoption journey.

Seriously.

All it takes is one thing to create the domino effect. One little thing that starts the whole process.

In our case, it seems that, during every step of the way, something crashes. Starting the domino effect.

Over three weeks ago, the DHS person came out to our home and checked it over.  Everything looked great. CHECK.

I gave her a list of TEN references.  (She only needed FOUR) and asked everyone on the list to send in their references as quickly as possible.  CHECK. CHECK.

They did, of course. (Thank you to all of you who did this for us!)

Then the process, ONCE AGAIN, screeched to a halt. 

So, I checked in last week with her. She said, "oops, I was out of the office.  I will check into that now."

"Out of the office" seems to be the most common domino effect.  Causes an instant stop to the process. Whether it is something legitimate or not, we will never know. I try and believe the best in people, I really do.

The very first 'domino' after our girl was declared legally free was the ICPC request.  That got stuck for over 3 weeks too. She was "out of the office" due to a family emergency.  And our paperwork sat. It was only discovered after I continously asked.  Someone finally checked and "oops" it hadn't got sent.


Then it finally got sent to OR ICPC and sat, once again.  After harrassing them some more, (wow, I am getting pretty good at that!) it was discovered that, "oops" the request to get us certified had not been done.  Also, she had never been placed in the WARE list, which apparently has to happen first before the ICPC process can even begin. 

Another "oops"

We were selected for her last fall. We met her for the first time in October. She was finally declared legally free on December 7th. 

It is now March 21st.

The gal who came to our home said it shouldn't take more than a week to get the foster certification done.

"Oops" it took THREE.

Yes, I am frustrated. I am human. I succumb to human emotions.

I am not perfect at all. I whine. I cry. I gripe. I moan.

A person I felt was surely behind me in my endeavors told me, "Hey, maybe this wasn't meant to be if all of these roadblocks keep happening."

really?

In a year, I will have forgotten all of these roadblocks.  All of these frustrations will *poof* be gone. Much like a woman forgets the worst parts of a pregnancy and birth.  The newborn baby takes all of those memories and makes them dissappear.

Such will be the case with our daughter.

We will forget the hard struggles of our adoption journey once she is here.  Then we can begin our own domino effect. The one where the years zoom by and before you know it, she will be an adult. And we will wish we could start the whole process over as she stands on the threshold of life, ready to strike out on her own. 

Then we will long for a way to reverse the domino effect.

keeping on keeping on

We just keep on keeping on.

What else can we do? I am not a quitter. I'm stubborn and persistant.
We don't look at all the road blocks as "signs" that we shouldn't be doing what we are doing.

We look at them as learning tools. Perfect practice to learn patience in the most literal sense of the word. Perfect time to really understand difficulties. Perfect time to learn how to deal with unpleasant situations. Perfect time to learn how to deal with things that you can't change.

After all, we are about to bring a foster child into our home to adopt. We will have many difficult days ahead. Maybe more bad than good. We had better be ready.

So, if we had a breeze of a time during the whole process, we would be in for a shock when we hit the first obstacle. It would all be too much, and we wouldn't be able to handle it.

It's readiness.  It's offense.  It's smart.

Anyone who trains for a marathon sure isn't going to get their muscles in shape by sitting on the couch watching sponge bob square pants. You know the episode. The one were he can't even lift a straw that has two cups of pop on each end, nor even teddy bears.

There are those who sign up for marathons to look cool. They buy expensive name brand gear, and talk about it with everyone they know. But, if they don't train for the run by actually getting out there and hitting the pavement, they are doomed. Doomed to fail.

I am not really interested in buying the name brand stuff.  Nor am I interested in just adopting to look cool. My deepest desire has always been to help at least one child get out of the foster system and show them consistent, genuine love.

So, when hurdles come during our journey to adoption (and there have been many) I look at them as just another training session. I try and learn everything I can, about the lesson to be learned, in that situation. I keep moving forward. I don't give up.

For those who worry that maybe it isn't meant to be if you have to fight for it, I can only say that I have laid it before the Lord many times. I say, Please God, if this isn't meant to be, then shut the doors on this. And for some of the ones we had initially sent our homestudies on, those doors did close.

He keeps opening them for us with Lovelygirl. Maybe the road isn't smooth as glass, and worry free. But, in our eyes, she is worth every struggle. He knows this. He sees our hearts. He has promised. He will fullfill.

keeping on keeping on

Princess for a Day

At Oh-Dark-Thirty a very excited girl threw my bedroom door open, flipped on the light switch and hollored, "Good Morning!"

It didn't take a genius to figure out that someone is excited about today!

Princess for a day.  AFFEC hosts this every year, and our lovelygirl got her golden ticket in the mail, (by the way, her very first official snail mail at her new home!) and we leave at 1:00 pm.

Last year, I volunteered for this event, serving "tea" and "crumpets" to hundreds of little princesses and their entourage.

I remember at one point, standing on the side of the dance floor, watching beauties twirl in pinks, purples and a multitude of other colors; flashes of light bouncing off their tiaras and giggles of embarrassment as they were escorted by handsome princes across the floor; and wondering if by the following year, I would be able to have my very own little girl to bring to this wonderful event.

She has every reason to be excited. A special day to honor the magic in all little girl's hearts. A day to feel pampered.  A day that makes her just like all the other girls, with no real separation between 'foster' and 'normal' or 'adopted' and 'biological'. 

No, out on the dance floor, they are all the same.

My heart races too.  I can't wait till one o'clock! I will be the driver of the pumpkin coach, flicking the reigns of the horsepower and yelling 'giddyup' as we make our way down to Eugene.

She can't even imagine how big this event is. The biggest tea party she will likely ever attend. I can't wait to see her face when she walks in!

And here I am today, with my lovelygirl...answered prayers realized. Thank you, God, for bringing her to us. We are ever so blessed to have her in our lives. Our own little princess.


Princess for a Day!

friend or foe?

While I am the first to say that it is commendable for people to take on fostering kids, I also know from experience that it isn't always beneficial to the child.

If you are on the road to adoption, you will likely experience foster parents in your final phases of the journey. I am sure that in most cases, they are great people, who truly care about the children placed in their care.

In other cases, it isn't the best case scenario. We have had our lovelygirl in two separate foster homes while we were in her life. The first one was not a safe place for her to be, and due to even a prior foster child disclosing abuse (besides the kids living in the home at the time), our lovelygirl was removed from that home and placed in another foster home.  The one she is in currently, is a temporary home, and lucky for our lovelygirl...is the second time she has been there.

Why am I saying all of this anyway?

Think for a moment of children whose parents are divorced.  That child goes back and forth.  And, because the parents generally have had a bad ending to their relationships, they tend to place the children in the middle, sometimes using them as pawns to get back at their ex.

The current caregiver won't talk to me on the phone, She just uses lovelygirl to say things to me. Things she shouldn't use a child to do.

We have done nothing to this person. Nothing. I have only talked to her one time, and went away feeling great, thinking she was a nice person. Now, I am realizing that the other foster mother must have said things to this one, there is no other reason I can think of. It wasn't my fault that they did things that were considered abuse by the DSHS system. I didn't do anything wrong. They did. Period.

I am so ready for this to be over. Our lovelygirl goes from one extreme to another. There, she is allowed to watch adult comedy, which we all know has sexual overtures that an eight year old should not be seeing. We tell her here that she can't watch them.

When lovelygirl comes back and tells us that the current foster mother said that " 'C' may be the boss of you when you are down there, but here she isn't your boss!" I am shocked.

Why would a foster mother undermine what is truly the best thing to happen to a foster child? That she would find a loving, caring and nurturing home.  That her new parents want the best for her, and don't just think of her as a meal ticket or a number.

It sounds so juvenile. So junior highish. Doesn't it?

Other things, like attitudes, are cropping up; all with the saying that " 'R' says I can do that!" And more, things I won't go into.

Triangulation? Possibly some.

Yet, I also know there is something there. That saddens me. We should be only thinking of what is truly best for this child.

In a perfect world we would have been friends.  Like minded. One purpose. To ready a child who has had so many let downs she can't count them, for her new life. Her needs would come first. Instead, it appears to be the opposite up there.

Is there some rule among foster parents, to "stick together", to have each others backs no matter what the cost? To keep each other out of trouble, and not tell? No such thing as mandatory reporting? I mean, come one! These are children! They were put in your home to get them away from abuse, not to be put right back into it!

I am sad that in our case, it had to be this way.
Please know, that I do still believe that there are wonderful foster parents out there! I know first hand that there are...one of those being my husband's mother's foster family. They are still her family and ours too. Sweet wonderful people. So, I know there are more out there.

I pray that none of you have to experience the "foe" side of foster parents. I pray you all can have the "friend" side. To work together to help a child. Isn't that the reason they are doing it? It should be!

friend? or foe?

moving forward

I feel like such a weinie. A whiny squawling baby.
There are so many more important things than my sniveling worries.
And so, I offer my sincere apologies to my friends.

What weakness causes me to lose hope, and lose sight of those things that ARE more important?

A few more days won't change anything. Lovelygirl will be ours at some point in time. Even if it isn't tomorrow, it will happen.

My pathetic snivelings won't make it happen any sooner. And I do want her to be able to read this some day and be proud of us. I want her to see me as a strong woman, a good role model.

And not the weak puny person of yesterday.

Things ended up working out after all.  We found the name of the doctor in an email (thanks H for the idea) and got the important document rounded up and faxed in to our agency. Emergency averted. Red flags down.

The ICPC DHS lady came out and inspected our home and found everything to their standards. We filled out some necessary paperwork.

So all the freaking out was for naught. Plain and simple. I acted the fool.

Ok, enough self loathing. It's over. Another new day has dawned.

Moving forward.